High School was hell.. Until it wasn’t
Lost, out numbered, terrified. Those were my very first feelings walking into the big double doors of the high school. The summer before freshman year I was stoked. I made it into this big beautiful fantasy where you made your forever friends, you made mistakes that didn’t define you, they helped you grow! I pictured finding myself and finally coming out my shell. That fantasy disappeared the second I entered that school. I slowly walked up the first set of stairs at the top I stop to take in the view. There’s a vast sea of kids, I know they’re my age, but they don’t look like me. They look older and more sophisticated. Here I am in denim capris with a black hoodie that has stewie from Family guys face blasted on it. I felt out of place. I snapped out of my internal panic and realized I was standing in the middle of hallway. So I regained control of my feet and made my way to my locker. After a couple try’s I found my first period class. It was science, I made my way to the very back. I was hoping to be as invisible as I felt. But no such luck. I hear the teacher tell us “We’re gonna go around the room and introduce ourselves” my heart sank into my butt. I was never a public speaker. But I forced words out of my mouth when it was my turn. I remember none of my teachers seemed excited about their job. All of my day really seemed like it was on auto pilot. In fact, everyday was kind of like that. I left school at lunch everyday because I was sick. I wasn’t faking either. My anxiety and stress was making me physically sick and constantly exhausted. I was unable to get past the feeling of not belonging. I felt myself slipping into a dark place. Not really caring about my future, being a miserable jerk, drinking and partying, I basically gave up. I didn’t realize that’s what I was doing though. I’m not sure how I snapped out of it. So one day I went to my parents. I told them everything i was feeling. I then for the first time I said “I can’t handle school it is too much for me” at first my parents were reluctant about me going to a continuation school. Luckily all of their concerns went away after our meeting with the principal. I was so happy to be enrolled it felt like a second chance. The bonus? The school day was 8am-1220pm. It was the best decision for me. I was on a roll, passing! But I went through a jerk phase. I didn’t listen I was getting into trouble. I honestly felt untouchable like I could do whatever I wanted. It caught up to me. I was faced with two options; Enroll in the program “PROBLEMS” or be expelled. I decided to enroll and give it a shot. I really fell in love with it. They worked on the inside of course but also focused on job related skills. We even did practice interviews. I calmed down a lot for the next couple years. At the end of my jr year they moved my new school into a new building. When we went to register me for the new year I saw a couple new faces! One of the pretty smiling ladies happened to be my new teacher. She introduced herself and her smile not only lit up the room but it engulfed you. Kind of like a hug. She was so warm and friendly! Her name was tallie she asked me a few common questions but actually seemed interested in the answer. Another new face was introduced and was handling the after school job program. She also made an amazing first impression! Her smile was kind and she seemed genuine. She introduced herself as trinity. They made me excited to start my senior year. My first day back to school was so good. All of a sudden school became a positive part of my life. Tallie sat down with me before giving me my work she asked about any trouble I was having and which subject. After that, she worked closely with me on my math. She never let problems actually become problems. She had a way about her you couldn’t be unhappy. I always felt supported with her, never judged. Trinity got in my heart very quickly. She always had a positive attitude. She quickly realized the skills I had that I was basically blind too. I never see talent in myself, I’ve always recognized it in others. I couldn’t see my own natural talent. She always took the time to remind me of my worth. She pushed me to do better. Yes she was a genuinely nice person but she never sugar coated anything. I was so happy when my 18th birthday came. I seriously considered walking away from school. I had gotten some bad news. If I wanted my diploma I was going to have to complete another full year. I was devastated, I had worked so hard. But Tallie talked me into taking one of the Pre GED tests, I ended up passing it. That’s something I guess. She explained I could do my GED and still go to our local community college. She said if I pass all the tests I would be done with high school, I would just have to do the final tests at the site. Trinity was on board with this and found yet another way to support me. She found funding to pay the fee required. I went on staying close with Trinity. Tallie and I lost touch probably a year after I graduated. I owe those two ladies so much! I don’t think I ever would have finished school without them.